Answered questions

- What is your most painful memory of race?
Growing up as a child in Windsor, Connecticut, there were two black families in my middle class neighborhood. In the first grade I invited a Randy Wiggins to my house after school, he lived a quarter mile up the road. We were playing in the sandbox in the backyard when my father came home, he immediately ran to the sandbox to send me into the house and then he chased Randy out of the yard like he was a menacing dog. It was so confusing, we were both afraid and crying be chased by an adult. I remember my parents arguing and my Dad telling me not to play with coloreds. It was 1964 and I was 6 at the time. I will never forget how bad I felt the next day when I went to school and had to face Randy. We were children but we both knew it was wrong. We never played again. I was ashamed and felt dirty.

- What messages did you get from your parents about race relations?
It is not simply a Southern problem it is problem throughout America. My Dad showed me how to fear people not of your own race. My Mother showed me how to submit to your husbands authority and make the best of things.

- What messages about race do you hope to convey to the next generation?
First, recognize the problem. I remember reading this funny saying from Pogo the cartoon, “I have seen the enemy and he is us.” 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
Second, live a life focused on something other than yourself. God has called us to a wonderful church. My Pastor calls us the best kept secret in the Columbia area, and it's true; instead of being the most segregated place on Sunday mornings we are the most integrated. We have a White Pastor, a Black preacher, and Hispanic preacher. The only reason this works is that we are all submitted to Jesus. No Fear.
Finally, set a positive example. My wife and I have conveyed to my three sons is that a positive example is the only way to fight racism. We are not perfect people but we are working towards breaking the patterns that have held us back.

Glen Ross

- What is your most painful memory of race?
Pictures of Martin Luther King speaking, painful, yet so inspiring, due to the tragedy of his death. Most recently, a discussion with a Mayor of a South Carolina city while watching Barack Obama speak, she said, "The only reason he is so smart is because his 'mama' is white". It was a devastating comment on the state of our country. I was outraged, insulted and disgusted. It was difficult to remain calm.

- What messages did you get from your parents about race relations?
My mother never spoke of race in any manner; it was only people. She is a role model. I did not know there was a difference.

- What messages do you hope to convey to the next generation?
That race is a concern only because we let it. The person, the human soul, the human is all that matters. STOP giving race even a slight chance of survival. Race is not culture. Race is not opinion. Race is not intelligence. Those traits are separate. We are one; all made of the same blood and bone. STOP.

-Hollie Wilson

- What is your most painful memory of race?
Not painful, unless it hurt my brain trying to figure it out, but I remember going to the dentist with Mama and her mother. I asked why we couldn't go in this door; it was closer. "No, that door is for the coloreds." That made no sense to me at all. I don't remember how old I was, I'm pretty sure it was before I'd started school. Then, I noticed the same thing everywhere I went ... the water fountains in the county court house, seats in the movie theatre, all-white swimming pool. It made no sense. I know I was wrestling with it, and on August 31, 1965, all I could write in my daily diary was, "I washed my hair. Some colored people came to our school."
I remember being reprimanded by a woman where I worked during my college summers for calling an elderly black gentleman "sir." She asked me if that's what she'd heard me call him and I said of course. "But he's black," she whispered. I just stared at her then seethed, "He is older than I am and deserves the respect. It doesn't matter what color he is."
Fast-forward to me as an adult, going to the same family doctor we'd used for three generations. The signs had long been removed from the doors, but whites used the door on the left, and "coloreds," the door on the right. I entered on the right, signed in at the window and sat down. I believe the entire nursing staff went into a panic. They wanted to take me back ahead of my turn, just to get me out of that waiting room. I refused. "These folks were here before me."

- What messages did you get from your parents about race relations?
Mama worked with an African-American woman whom she thought the world of. They had lunch together, swapped recipes, visited in each other's homes. Great, right? Know what Mama said when I asked her why she was got along so well with Zena: "We can accept individiauls but not the race." I always thought that was one of the nastiest things she'd ever said.

- What messages do you hope to convey to the next generation?
That we need to seek out opportunities to welcome those who are different from us, whether it's race, religion, sexual orientation, anything. We need not just to accept diversity but embrace it. Think about bread: White bread is downright boring - always the same, soft, not strong, rub it enough, it becomes slimy. Multi-grain, on the other hand, is interesting in texture, has real character, firm and bold. I detest white bread.

- Ma

- What is your most painful memory of race?
I went to work at a hotel in Myrtle Beach during the summer after my sophomore year in college. Initially, I was hired as a dishwasher, but I could not operate the machine as fast as was required. So I was then given the job as a hotel babysitter. Most baby sitting jobs required me to babysit at night (in the hotel room) while the parents went out. Some required me to be with the child or children during evening meals, in a separate area of the hotel. One couple wanted me to be with the child during the day i.e. walking him on the beach; accompanying them while they shopped; etc. This couple expected me to wear a white uniform, which I refused to wear... therefore I was fired.

- What messages did you get from your parents about race relations?
I worked as an EEO Manager/Officer for several federal agencies during my career in government. There were many incidences where discrimination took place and is still taking place. There was an incident where an employee at a company filed an EEO complaint because of unfair labor practices i.e. wages, treatment, separate bathroom facilities, etc. My investigation of the facilities showed the disparities. The most astounding example was the separate bathroom facilities in 1980 !!! The signs "White" and "Colored" were removed from the doors but the Whites were still going to the bathroom, once designated for Whites only and the Blacks were still going to the bathroom once designated for "Colored" only.

- Barbara A. Gathers

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